What's so bad about imperialism?
Every time there is a clash of cultures, war of conquest, and other instance of violance between two peoples seperated by national, religious, or (insert b.s. reason for bigotry here) differences, neither side is unchanged. It's no accident that English, French, and Spanish are spoken in every New World country. The legacy of the Spanish conquest of South American peoples can be seen from the street names in Argentina to the murals that adorn buildings all over my neighborhood in San Francisco, the Mission. Tobacco, a New World plant, is one of the most commonly abused drugs in China, thanks to the English.
As the Bush administration threatens to expand the War on Terror to new shores, we hear at The World You Know what to remind everyone what the true legacy of imperialism is: free stuff. If you don't believe me, just look at how many karate and tae kwon do schools there are in strip malls. If we had never fought Japan or "helped out" Korea, those would have never been possible. Also, Volkswagons.
So, in the intereste of the greater good, we decided to make a list of some of the things to be gained from needlessly and senselessly invading some of the soverign nations on G.W.'s hit list.
China - Leatherette Ipod and cellphone cases, little plastic toys
Myanmar - The country has like half a million monks. We could but them to work churning out those prayer flags that everyone seems to have. I don't care if they aren't Tibetan.
Venezuala - Oil, universal healthcare
Iran - Those bomb-ass sugar cubes with the little bit of saffron in them
Cuba - 90-year-old jazz musicians, sugar, baseball players
Syria - Henna. Lots and lots of Henna.
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